Sometimes everything is calm. Busy, but in a silence-y sort of a way. The bees hum along their journey, the trees sway, the wind wisps, the frost scatters rays of a rare wintry Portland morning sun; my mind becomes quiet, my soul knows it is full.
This is what being is about, one thought sneaks itself in.
Hush, I tell it.
Am I sitting in eternity? .. hey, stop .. Time — linear time, that is — is just a convenient way for us humans to make better sense of reality! We can convince ourselves we have purpose and the capacity to create, to act, to change… oh, I have so much yet to do!
Hush.
I do.
Dialogue, response. Action, reaction, interaction. Converging whirlwinds of energy are what set me to become a part of this earthly ecosystem, to find and join the community of Lewis & Clark College, to grow into a new version of myself, and to write this post now.
Let me “disclaim” here that to be a freshwoman in college is to have to reckon with oneself — or at least to have many opportunities to do so, whether they be seized or not. I find great joy in asking questions of the universe and, in doing so, my mind’s exploration has become acquainted with some of the frightening and wondrous spaces of thought. I can wrap myself in the stimulating chaos of some path of imagination, an intellectual journey into which much of my academic study leads me; but to feel as one living within this world I have recognized the power in being a part of something manifested by connection: community.
As one who cherishes silence and feels peaceful in solitude, I am not without my lonesome days. I seek time and space to just be with myself; but sometimes, I wonder if doing so distances me from making connections with others. Establishing this balance is a lifelong act, but I do feel I have received a little gift in joining the fellow tree-huggers of the Environmental Action LLC. As I seek to situate myself within my environment, I know they are on a similar quest.
In the chaos that is inevitably present every day on campus, connections swirling about, I am just one little bunch of limited perspective. To broaden my capacity to understand, I open up my curiosity. I am teaching myself to listen — really, truly listen. Nancy Kline inspired me with her proposition that “the quality of your attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking.” Spacious silence is a gift of immeasurable dimension.
I feel that the practice of attention is not only what it requires to integrate into a community, but to create meaningful action in the world. Being a creature of my surroundings, everything I create derives from somewhere else — other places, other people. Who I am is dependent on the global circumstances which create me. For that which I am and of which am surrounded, I am grateful, for I find myself in a profound space of opportunity.
When I run to the frozen fields of South campus in the mornings to salute the sunrise and meditate awhile, my mind releases itself into the crisp air before I hear the birds as they chirp about the toasty worms of February morn. Hush, I learn. I shall see if any of this makes any sense as I keep learning. I will be patient.
And I hope that I might come to disagree with myself someday soon; even more curiously, I think I already do.