Honestly, I had a very hard time figuring out what to write this post on. Passion is a very strong word that I don’t use lightly. Similarly to my last post, I have never really felt like I had a singular passion in my life. It is often fleeting and mixed up with so many different emotions. In my mind I separate academic passion from other passions. While I get excited about academic subjects and research, I am extremely regretful of the things I gave up to be successful in school. People say that you can do anything in college and make it yours, but they don’t say you can do everything. That has definitely been my experience.
As I approach my graduation, I realize that there are many opportunities and privileges I have as a student that I will no longer have. However, I am also excited to rediscover things that make me happy that I don’t have time for in school. I want to start dancing regularly again. I want to play music again and be apart of that community. I want to read for fun. I want to ski, hike, backpack, and day trip to the beach. While most of these require a fair amount of hard work, they also provide an outlet or release where I can focus singlemindedly on one single thing. I know that I am at my happiest when I am doing these things.
Academic passion is a whole different story. Here you receive a grade for your passion. It is mixed with stress, time crunches, and a whole lot of multitasking. While I don’t enjoy these aspects, I am incredibly grateful for having the freedom within the environmental studies department to explore and delve into what interests me. When one topic like say, a thesis, consumes your life it is impossible not to feel passionately about it. The amount of time you have invested make it extremely personal. You start to think about it constantly and are endlessly thinking about ways to make it better and delve further in. I have given myself a mandatory four day break after turning the draft in to distance myself enough that I can look at it more objectively. If anything, passion is not objective.
Before entering environmental studies at Lewis & Clark, I could say I was passionate about the environment. Currently, that passion is focused and directed at a very specific academic subject. I have no idea what it will be after graduation, but I know I need to rediscover my non academic passions first.
The photo above is from one of my favorite places on Earth. It is a classic Washington Beach called Cape Alava, someplace I am very passionate about.