I really don’t know what my intentions are right now. I’m honestly so confused. I feel very unfocused and unsure of what I’m going to be doing in the future. I have no idea why I’m making the decisions I’m making. My intention for choosing my classes in the fall of 2016 was to take classes I felt passionate about. That intent is clear, but few others are.
I think having so many academic interests makes it difficult for me to feel like any of my decisions are intentional. I feel like I’m making a lot of decisions that are impulsive. I feel like having intention means, to a certain degree, having clarity. Right now I feel like I lack clarity entirely.
After last semester, I felt certain I would major in ENVS, but now I really don’t know if I want to. I can’t tell if it’s a discipline that I am interested in pursuing more, but I also feel like I need to take the ENVS 220 to figure that out. However, at the same time, I don’t really want to take ENVS 220 because I want to take other classes I know for certain I’m interested in.
Even my summer plans lack intention. I feel like my job search for the summer was very passive and disorganized, and now I’m going to be working the same retail job I worked last summer. I know I’ll have a good time, but I started second semester knowing I wanted a new experience this summer. I feel like since I didn’t have any clear intention with how I wanted my summer to be I just became apathetic and settled for my old job, which I new wouldn’t require much effort to secure.
I hope next semester I get some more clarity about how I want the rest of my academic life to look while at L&C. I think I feel overwhelmed by the pressure to have intention with every decision I make. Seeing friends going off in the summers doing incredible internships in Oaxaca and on the Nile River intimidates me and makes me feel like my retail job isn’t cutting it, but at the same time I lack focus and clarity about what passions I want to pursue and how to pursue them.