In an environmental action meeting at the beginning of this year, our Living Learning Community determined the intention of our dorm’s painted manzanita tree to be “growth”. I suggested this theme, seeing growth as a natural extension of my time as a first-year college student. In my mind the overwhelming “newness” of college-new people, new places, new ideas, new classes- bred growth. Or so I thought. Aaron’s posts made me rethink this idea. I seem to be doing a lot of rethinking these past few months.
But that is what I mean. Growth isn’t inherent, you have to be willing to question preconceived ideas. You have to be willing to throw out ideas that no longer fit. As Aaron points out, flowers don’t bloom on their own. It takes work. The analogy of a garden is apt to the idea of growth(at least I think it is, maybe I will think differently next year).
Coming into college, I was very set on studying environmental studies. I was confused by people’s doubt that I would continue with the major, it seemed so determined for me. After taking ENVS 160, I understand their hesitance better. I still am doing environmental studies, but I conceive of this discipline in a very different light than I did before this year started. Taking ENVS 160 was difficult, challenging deeply entrenched notions is not easy work, but it is rewarding. I know now how to engage critically with text, even with beliefs I tend to agree with. I know how to complicate an issue that seems straight-forward, how to connect seemingly disparate things. Essentially, most importantly, I know now that I know nothing. Socrates called that wisdom. I call that intellectual humility, and pure curiosity.
This year, growth, both academically and socially, was a scarier than I expected. It involved not only being present in a new environment, but pushing myself- to try new things, to question beliefs, to do things that could end in failure. I am glad I allowed myself to change in unexpected ways, I am glad I was not stagnant or stuck in my ways. I hope I never think I have stopped growing. I hope I can look back at this post senior year and still say I am not done learning.