“the oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” — H.P. Lovecraft
If you had asked me three months ago whether I thought that was true, I would have told you to shove off. Everyone knows spiders are far worse that the unknown.
These last months we have spent immersed in a the Australian landscape taught me exactly the opposite is true. After some wise words from good teachers, physical fears seemed worthy of jokes. A fear of snakes or spiders all but disappeared as my peers encouraged each other to continue climbing up a slot canyon crawling with them.
Each member of our group faced their fears in one way or another. Everyone developed a sort of numbness to the traditional fears of everyday life, snakes and spiders, vast oceans and minuscule planes. It whittled people down to a point where their only fear was that most basic fear — fear of what they do not know.
Now as I sit here mulling over all of my experiences in the final hours before I leave, I cannot help but think about whether I harbored a fear of the unknown before coming here. This entire trip was full of the unknown. I had never been to a single place we visited until I stepped off the bus.
The physical aspects were unknown, but I did know how I would react to them. To me, that is what matters more. There was never any doubt that every place would be amazing in a different way and each one truly was. How can someone fear a sunset on a tropical island, or a sunrise over a magnificent canyon?
It has occurred to me that fear of the unknown is entirely intrinsic. It is not a fear of the place we are going but a fear of how we will react to it. Perhaps that’s why leaving Australia is so much more terrifying than coming here. Coming to Australia was easy— I knew exactly who I was and how I would react. As I am about to leave, I can say with absolute certainty that I am a different person than when I arrived. I think differently, I act differently (hell, I even have a beard I never thought I would grow).
It is this difference, this unknown that scares me so much. I know exactly where I am going and I have no idea how I will react. This is a truer fear of the unknown than I have ever felt, a feeling that the same streets I have walked for years will somehow be different because I have changed.
If Australia taught me anything, it is that the best way to face you fears is head on. With no reluctance, I will board the plane and plough full speed into the unknown ahead. After all, fear is temporary. Regret is forever.