This is a poem about flying on planes.
Planes, like the big metal tubes in the sky
That should not, cannot be there
It just does not make sense.
This is also a poem, about how
In order to travel in Australia,
You travel a lot.
In planes.
So here goes, because even talking about the subject
Makes me want to vomit up my stomach
Like a shark
And shake it around in the ocean to get all the bad feelings out.
PDX LAX
LAX FIJI
FIJI SYD
SYD BNE
BNE MEL
MEL HOB
HOB MEL
MEL BNE
BNE ROK
HVB LEI
LEI HVB
BNE SYD
SYD FIJI
FIJI LAX
LAX PDX
That is 15 flights in three months
30 Landings and takeoffs
50 Hail Mary’s
15 “Bathroom Breaks” to go cry
20 Alcoholic beverages
(All whilst watching “Brave”)
And 5 strangers
1 friend
Asking if I wanted to hold their hand.
Throughout this trip
I have seen one of the most deadly venomous snakes in the world.
I have been stung by jellyfish.
I have swum in shark- infested waters.
I have descended a mountain
And snorkeled next to Sting Rays
Venomous Fish
Sharks
Manta Rays
Shrimp that can shatter bones
And one Octopus,
Never giving any of these things a second thought.
Because none of them involve me being vaulted
Into space
Just below the line separating us from
Suffocation
Zero Gravity
Asteroids
And none of them expected me to sit there quietly
While women and men
Who smile too much
Offer my pretzels and beverages
While I wait for my untimely death.
If I wanted an untimely death in Australia
I would have stepped on a stonefish
Or sought out a pack of wild Dingo’s
Or jumped off a waterfall
Or even let a Brisbane City Bus run me over.
Splat.
My parent’s would get a hefty settlement.
My funeral would involve fireworks
That exploded into the shape of the Australian Flag.
My casket would be made
From the finest Gum Tree.
My funeral procession song
Would be “Party in the USA”
Played by Didgeridoos.
And outside there would be a petting zoo outside
Filled with Wombats.
But Sweet Baby Jesus
I would let Tony Abbot continue to be Prime Minister
I would release feral cats into the outback
I would drop a baby Koala
I would slap a dugong
I would pay the “optional” donation fee to enter the Brisbane Art Museum
Before dying by plane crash.
This is why three days from now,
When I am strapped into this godforsaken creation
Which has transported me to and from
Some of the best experiences of my life
I will pop a pill
Order a rum and coke
And wait for an untimely end.