Chennai Entry:
Gents Only, No Ladies Allowed
For this entry, I want to write about a specific difficult incident that happened while in Chennai. This post does not represent my experience in Chennai as a whole, just one experience I had about a week ago.
There was one night during my three weeks in Chennai that me and a few friends went to a beer and wine shop, maybe a 10 or 15 minute walk down the same road our hotel sits on. I had been to these shops before, in Delhi, McLeodganj, Agra, (hopefully this post doesn’t make me sound like an alcoholic) and I’d never had an experience like this one. These spaces are always male dominated, I’ve never seen a woman buying alcohol in these settings before. They seem to always be in small, somewhat run down buildings–usually there is a counter with bars as a window in, alcohol bottles lining the back so you can peer inside and see what you’d like to choose. Prior to this one in Chennai, they’re always open air areas, and this one was somewhat enclosed with one wall across from the stand itself.
The four of us entered cautiously given how crowded it was with potentially intoxicated hoards of men. We immediately stood far from the crowd trying to see what they had to offer. Lots of the men were staring at us–we were three females and one male. One man turned to the male in our group and began signaling at him silently, gesturing at us, basically shooing us out. We were confused, and I wasn’t sure if he was trying to be quietly helpful, to explain that it was dangerous for us to be there without making a scene, or if he was just angry that we were there. Looking at him for a moment while he was trying to communicate it became obvious that he was disgusted and furious that we were there. Another man turned to us and said “Gents only, no ladies allowed.” Feeling somewhat paralyzed with shock, confusion, and surprise, we looked at each other unsure what to do. We turned towards the exit to leave and noticed men videotaping us and taking flash photos. We rushed out, but the male in our group stayed in to finish our purchase. The three of us tried to find a space outside nearby to wait for him that felt safe, but the entire surrounding area was a completely male space. We had no refuge or safety in that moment, men continued to stare and stand near us.
This was really overwhelming of course, and led to a lot of reflection. Is it really that taboo for women to drink? Is it taboo to buy alcohol in this setting, but consuming alcohol is okay? How did our foreigner status play into this interaction? I had never been told to leave a space because I’m a woman, to leave a space for something i can’t control. Processing this was really difficult, this isn’t my reality, just a weird “experience” that I can separate myself from while women living here confront it constantly. What would have happened if we were with an Indian male? An Indian female?? Alone? It made me consider the idea of cultural relativism, I don’t want to stand by and go along with cultural norms that seem unjust to me, but entering that space isn’t really protesting in the way I would want to, nor is it particularly productive. Its frustrating to accept things like this, and far worse things, as just a cultural norm that I should respect when I disagree with it so whole heartedly, but is it reasonable or fair to fight against it?? Clearly a lot of thoughts have come out of this, and I’ve yet to come up with any solid conclusion or opinion.