Ashes were sprinkling from the sky and the smoke in the air was billowing around me. I covered my face with my scarf and squinted at the small frail man that was speaking without pausing for a breath. I quickly shuffled my feet to let yet another bamboo stretcher with a dead body covered in beautiful cloth and marigolds past, awaiting their turn to send their loved one’s soul back into the cycle of rebirth. I turned to look up at the ghats and noticed the fire of Shiva, burning strong and bright in a stone archway. Men were gathered around the fire, some watching the burning of dead bodies and some performing ceremonies around the fire. There were five different spots on the ghats that were on fire, setting free the souls of the dead. I turned back to the weathered man that hadn’t stopped talking since the moment he approached me. He was repeating a spiel that he gives to people every day, teaching them about the burning ceremony and rituals leading up to it. Following this stream of knowledge he asked me to give him money to support the poor.
This has happened to me a few times, it’s hard to know what to do in these situations. Are they really who they say they are? What will they spend the money on? I ask these questions every time someone approaches me and asks me for money on the streets. The truth is you can’t ever know where that money is going. This has been a challenging situation to navigate. It’s challenging because you can’t help everyone. And when you do decide to help someone out, immediately after giving money or food people will start to flock to you. I think it’s important to help when you can, but also understand that sometimes “helping” helps perpetuate the problem. It’s a tricky situation to navigate. It’s important to think critically about these things and do what you can in the moment, but also to remember that you can’t help everyone.
I left the ghat feeling horrible that I didn’t have money to give him. I quickly made my way through the small winding streets of Manikarnika, swiftly weaving through the never ending sea of people. The man that was speaking about the burning ghat was following me and yelling “bad karma, holy place” over and over. I felt so conflicted, guilty, frustrated with the situation, and kind of mad because he had cornered me into the conversation in the first place. I’ve been grappling with this interaction for some time. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I feel about it. It’s hard to know who is being genuine with you and who just wants something from you. I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I feel and how to find the truth in these kinds of interactions.