As we prepare to go our separate ways here within the next week, many of us are growing painfully nostalgic and reflecting on the adventures that we’ve shared. I, for one, have done more personal reflection than anything else. It seems that my peers on this journey have fostered some very beautiful, deep, long lasting friendships while on this program. Now, that’s not to say that I haven’t experienced and developed these kinds of friendships as well, but I most certainly am still very guarded and an individual floating within this group mentality. I have found it difficult to truly open up while on this program, for reasons still unclear to myself. I have experienced very touching moments where I’m sitting with a small collection of other students in this group and I’ve realized that, in that moment, there is no place I would rather be. There have been more moments, though, where I have felt completely alone in my processing of the time that we’ve spent in India. I love this country and cannot wait to return in the future but it seems that other people in our group are more in tune with the country and its people.
As I said earlier, I have made friends and shared experiences that have blossomed into lasting relationships and memories that will never fade. I have enjoyed traveling and learning with this group of students but I must admit that I have fallen into a rut of being a person that isn’t entirely true to myself. It possible that it is because I find myself to be different from my peers that I have been traveling with or it may be because I am so far out of my comfort zone that I digressed into a version of myself that I consider to be outdated and disappointing but use as a barrier between myself and things that overwhelm or even scare me. Regardless of the cause, I wish that I could have shown the self I identify with the most. I wish that the people on this trip could have seen more of me so that they aren’t surprised when we all get back to campus and have to meet me all over again. For this, I am terribly sorry but I don’t think I would change it if I could. I did what I had to do in order to keep it all together and experience this trip the way that I did. I can recognize this sense of comfort that people have created with each other while we have been in this group space but for myself, I don’t feel it. I don’t feel comfortable and maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m just uncomfortable.