Rediscovering My Identity

While this program has been a mess of cool experiences, there are only a few things that have truly blown my mind. I am really quite lucky — I’ve been to Europe before, England and London in particular quite a few times. In reality, though, most of those journeys consisted of me watching episodes of Frasier and South Park, making tea for my grandad, and going to church on Sunday to get free Digestives. In a way, I grew up in London, but I didn’t. It was half of my childhood, but to me it wasn’t London: it was Grandad’s house. This study abroad, for me, is about doing all the things that people who study the arts strive for — seeing phenomenal (and shitty) theater and music, seeing all the greats (and not-so-greats) in every museum within reach, and having access to the cultural density that you simply can’t find anywhere in the states — it just isn’t there. But what really has made this trip so enriching for me is getting to know a place that has been my home for my entire life. I still feel like a foreigner, but that’s changing. Over mid-term break, I travelled through Scandinavia using my British passport (it makes it easier to travel if you’re a European citizen, surprise surprise) and that part of my identity was my entire identity while I was travelling. It doesn’t seem too intense or crazy to say it, but it was just interesting to be considered European while I was experiencing being a student in London – a strange mix of feeling both a part of and apart from the culture there. It was as though I had be a European the entire time. I’m graduating in May and as a consequence, reality and adulthood are beginning to bear their ugly heads. I have limitless options it seems, but one of them is continuing to live in Europe: ideal for my course of study, taking advantage not only of the multicultural and artistic facets here via the benefit of my citizenship. Europe will always be an option for me, but this just happens to be a transitional time in my life where it might be easier than another. At the beginning of the semester in January, I was entirely terrified of the concept of lifting myself out of the comfort of the American bubble – to live in England somewhat permanently. I may very well decide that I like that bubble when the time comes and that I want to move back to the states, but I also am feeling more comfortable with myself in the context of adulthood – and in the context of adopting a foreign (and ultimately not-so-foreign) country as a potential next adventure. Does this mean I will move to London in a few months time? Who can tell, but I can tell that life doesn’t seem so bleak after graduation. It’s amazing how trusting yourself to thrive can open a window or two.